I like Jackie Chan’s movies, with an apparently unusual appreciation for his less comedic, more dramatic films like Heart of Dragon (1985), or New Police Story (2004). I grew up watching the original Karate Kid movies as they came out, and I related to the character a lot. It should be obvious then that I will really enjoy this remake then, right? Well, not so readily, as I have some reservations as the release date nears.

Is the distinct nature of the "karate" fighting style being shoe-horned for the sake of marketing ease, or even just… Laziness? Hollywood wouldn’t do that would they? Didn’t this remake of "The Karate Kid" actually start shooting as "The Kung Fu Kid"? There seems to be more questions raised about this new version of "The Karate Kid" than are being addressed by any PR, and certainly the trailers don’t alleviate much.

According to the official Sony Pictures site for the 2010 film, The Karate Kid, Jackie Chan’s character is "secretly a master of kung fu" and he "teaches Dre that kung fu is not about punches and parries" which is all well and good, but how many times is "kung fu" mentioned on the official website promoting a film called "The Karate Kid"? Certainly, karate is not a Japanese-only form of martial art, and historically it actually developed in Chinese territory that was later `annexed’ by the Japanese. Also, as with most martial arts today that may have originated in one specific region there is now no limit to where the art may be taken up, and who may do so. But, there are cultural implications to having a movie called The Karate Kid and setting it in China. The trailers don’t indicate that any exploration of that will be in the movie.

Of course, with Will Smith AND Jada Pinkett Smith being listed as producers (with Jerry Weintraub, James Lassiter and Ken Stovitz) it certainly has the appearance of re-working an old franchise as a vanity project, for their son, Jaden. But having said that, I must grant that some of his legwork has shown a style that reminds me of the Korean martial artist, Hwang Jang Lee. This makes me think that the kid could have an honest talent for this kind of film role.

Jerry Weintraub is associated with franchise building. He was a producer for the original Karate Kid trilogy with Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, as well as the attempted rework, The Next Karate Kid with Hilary Swank. He was also a producer on the Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen films. Supposedly the recent reworking of Nancy Drew he was producer on a few years ago, is likely to lead to another film, and another franchise. Obviously, yet another franchise is likely to be built then, beginning with the remake of The Karate Kid.

I am not saying that a Karate Kid remake should be set in Okinawa, Japan, and that Sonny Chiba should be in the mentor role. While I wouldn’t mind that, and I would be less critical going in, there are always other things of concern for the film team involved. Even if, from a purist standpoint, Sonny Chiba would have been a better pick, what pull does Chiba have with the broader family market? None, to be honest. Now, as for Jackie Chan, he has done plenty. Chan is the most logical pick, for bankability, and broader demographic. Over the years Jackie Chan has broadened his acting modes considerably. Chiba has as well, but where Chan has gone for more light hearted and family friendly roles, Chiba has gone for more dramatic. Certainly, this role will give Chan a more dramatic and less comedic role but still keep him within what is, for the most part, his present family friendly career arc.

The trailers I have seen up to this point make me feel that the working title of "The Kung Fu Kid" may have been the most accurate (and besides, the original working title would mean they wouldn’t owe DC Comics for the use of the name "Karate Kid" after the publisher’s thirty-first century martial artist character that was part of The Legion of Super-Heroes).

In the end, concerns could simply be alleviated by part of the promotion also being educational, and discussing the historical and social implications of karate’s origin as a fighting form. It could very well be that after seeing the film all will be revealed and work out to everybody’s satisfactions. I will have to see. Won’t we all?

At this time, The Karate Kid is set for a June 11 theatrical release.

But we can do that one better. Our sources have slipped us some treatment and production notes (still redolent of cocaine, so we know they're authentic) that tell not only who's cast, but what they're going to do.

Backstory on Gilligan and The Skipper. Gilligan -- originally meant for Michael Cera, but shifted at the last minute to Zach Braff -- is at loose ends in San Diego, and in desperation joins the Coast Guard. There he meets Jonas Grumby (Jack Black), a Petty Officer who, like Sgt. Bilko, always has a scheme working. Gilligan constantly falls into the water and never rises above Seaman Recruit, but Grumby lives high off weed and gambling receipts extorted from local criminals. Gilligan admires the cool Grumby so greatly that when both INTERPOL and a drug dealer come after Grumby, he goes AWOL with him. Together Grumby, now incognito as The Skipper, and his "Li'l Bro" Gilligan move up the coast, running pleasure cruises.

The shipwreck. Naturally the whole thing is in 3-D, so this sequence is extended, with tidal waves, killer whales, and schools of friendly dolphins who have learned primitive English from a local rehabilitation facility and who nudge the Minnow to safety on an uncharted desert aisle.

The castaways. The Howells, Thurston (James Spader) and LuvE (Sarah Jessica Parker) are clueless nouveaux riches; LuvE has not worked since her days as a dancer in rap videos, and Thurston recently lost his job with a corrupt power company; this pleasure cruise was meant to rekindle their dying love. Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart were originally signed for Ginger and Mary Anne, but withdrew when they recovered from the sedatives, and were replaced by Katherine Heigl and Emma Watson (Ginger, in this version, comes from a small town in the English Midlands). In a knowing reversal of their original characterizations, movie star Ginger is more imperious and annoying than sexy, and Mary Anne is constantly getting naked and going, "Oops! Thought no one was about!" and enticing Gilligan with racy allusions to animal husbandry.

The Professor, in the boldest reimagining, is played by Tracy Morgan as a crooked would-be mogul who dabbles in mechanical engineering (which better explains his constant failure to fix the damn boat).

Plot. While everyone tries incompetently to get off the island -- big laughs as their attempt to connect with the mainland via a computer made from their damaged cell phones only manages to receive HGTV -- along the way they learn valuable lessons in life and love.

The Professor at first boldly tries to ***** all the ladies ("If I get with you, girl, we can blow off this island on a hydraulic jizz stream!") but eventually breaks down and confesses that his braggadocio is all due to his lack of a father.

The Skipper, who simultaneously realizes his own parental issues, bonds with The Professor over this, which leaves Gilligan feeling confused and abandoned until he and LuvE take a moonlight walk on the beach and discover that each of them is really alone in a world they never made. "Thurston can give me wads of cash," she declares, "but here that's only good for improvised tampons." "Yeah I kinda know what you mean," says Gilligan. "I feel like an improvised tampon myself."

Thurston, meanwhile, is forced by his lack of resources to use his charm and wits to woo Ginger and Mary Ann, and realizes he lacks both. He resolves, once her gets back home, to go back to school and take Humanities classes. Ginger and Mary Ann, frustrated, have sex with each other.

Gilligan repeatedly tries to get the dolphins to fetch help, but they're angry about global warming and at first refuse; after several discussions, Gilligan gets Thurston to apologize to them formally for his former company's rampant pollution. The dolphins teach the castaways to make a raft and, humbled by their experiences into competence and bravery, they get back to California.

After their parade, Gilligan and The Skipper are picked up by Coast Guard Special Agents, thus offering an opportunity for a sequel, Gilligan's Brig: Back to the Island.

While in the 1970s, the silhouette of fashion tended to be characterized by close fitting clothes on top with wider, looser clothes on the bottom, this trend completely reversed itself in the early 1980s as both men and women began to wear looser shirts and tight, close-fitting pants. Men wore power suits as a result of the greater tendency for people to display their wealth. Brand names became increasingly important in this decade, making Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein household names.

During the Like A Virgin era, Madonna was titled the "Material Girl" and many young girls around the world looked to her for fashion statements. The popular 1983 movie Flashdance made ripped sweatshirts well-known in the general public. The television shows Dallas and, in particular, Dynasty also had a similar impact, especially in the area of the increasingly oversized shoulder pads.

In the United Kingdom and Ireland, the New Romantic music and fashion movement exerted a strong influence over the clothing worn by both males and females in the early years of the decade.